At least make sure they are 18
Why
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
