What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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