...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
And the cops told us we were all naked.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
