if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
