I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
