1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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