I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
