I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
