How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
