seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
