Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
