Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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