She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
