my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
