i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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