How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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