god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
