It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
