I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
