we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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