I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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