The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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