Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
