It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
