wrigley field is MILF paradise
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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