Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
