you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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