I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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