I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I believe in your delicious
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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