one two three fourrrrnication!
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
