"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
