I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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