An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
