Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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