So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
