I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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