talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
