I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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