oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
