The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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