google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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