those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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