i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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