i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
