It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
