Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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