chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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