I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Duck Duck Cougar?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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