i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
