Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
