I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
